Hello lunaKM,

I have a Dom friend that has been helping explore and figure out this wonderful world of BDSM. I have been seeing him for a few months and we are moving into more of a relationship and not just scenes. My question is how do I ask him for the discipline/attention when I am needing it? Don't want to be demanding. I feel like this is a silly question but one I have to ask. Thank you for any advice you have to offer.

Dear not demanding,

It can feel overwhelming when you are in a new relationship and trying to figure out what you can and can't do without your role. Your question is a very common one and you are not alone in knowing how to handle this situation.

First, ask yourself, what are his responsibilities to you? Is he to protect you and guide you and take care of your needs? Is to be your partner and lover, your friend and your strength? Think about what his place is in your life. If he's there for you in other situations where you've needed him, then he will likely be expecting to be there for you now.

Asking him is not demanding. You are probably told not to hide anything from him, at some point or another. This includes your needs and desires for the attention of if you feel you need discipline for something. So, address him respectfully, share your feelings and then ask him to be there for you or to discipline you.

The key here with not being demanding is that you don't want to force his hand, he supposed to be in charge after all. But like all people, he can't read your mind or know what you need from one moment to the next. Sometimes you have to tell him. As long as you allow him to make the decision for what needs to be done with the information you've shared you aren't demanding.

But, in my experience, the Dominant is going to give you what he thinks you need when you share with him. There are times that I have to go to KnyghtMare and ask for him to hold me for a while or to help correct something that I think is giving me issues in my submission or every day. And he's more than willing to be there for me. I'm sure your Dominant will be also.

All my best,