Question: I have recently begun a D/s long-distance dynamic relationship. It’s exhilarating and freeing at times, but then he cuts communication with me. It’s so painful and frustrating. Sometimes I know why (pleasuring myself without permission), and most times idk why he’s cut me off. Prior to agreeing to accept him as my master, we communicated nonstop. So it’s super hurtful. I think it’s part of his training, but there was never any discussion or warning to expect this.
Answer:
This question touches on something a lot of submissives experience, especially in long-distance relationships: the silence that isn’t discussed.
You’re not wrong to feel hurt or confused. Communication is the heartbeat of any relationship—but in D/s dynamics, it’s everything. It’s the foundation that makes power exchange safe, meaningful, and sustainable. When communication suddenly disappears without explanation, the foundation of the relationship shakes, leaving you anxious and questioning your place in it.
Let’s break this down a bit.
When “training” becomes uncertainty
It’s not uncommon for Dominants to use withdrawal of attention as a type of punishment or “training.” In-person dynamics might include removing physical affection, privileges, or specific rituals. But when you’re long-distance, communication is the connection. Silence becomes not a pause, but a wall.
If your partner is intentionally cutting contact without prior discussion or a clear framework, that’s not a healthy training tool—it’s emotional whiplash. Punishments should be constructive, not confusing. The goal is to guide, teach, or correct behavior within mutually understood boundaries, not to cause distress or emotional isolation.
What’s happening here sounds like a mismatch in expectations. You see these periods of silence as painful and confusing. He may see them as enforcing control. The truth is that neither of you is wrong for feeling the way you do—but the missing piece is negotiation and communication.
Negotiating communication boundaries
Every long-distance D/s dynamic needs clear agreements around communication. Some questions to explore together might include:
- How often do you both expect contact—daily, weekly, as-needed?
- What happens if one of you needs a break, space, or time offline?
- What forms of communication are considered part of the dynamic (texting, calls, journaling, task reports)?
- Are punishments that involve withdrawal of contact acceptable, and if so, what’s the maximum duration or reason?
A Dominant should never unilaterally decide to cut communication as punishment unless that boundary has been explicitly negotiated and consented to. Silence can quickly tip from “discipline” to “emotional neglect,” and it can erode the trust and stability you’re trying to build.
Punishment vs. emotional safety
Let’s talk about punishment for a moment. The purpose of punishment in D/s isn’t to make a submissive feel rejected or worthless—it’s to reinforce structure, help with growth, and encourage reflection. For many submissives, emotional connection is what makes submission fulfilling. Removing that connection without warning removes the very thing that keeps you grounded.
If you’ve done something that your Dominant considers a rule break—like pleasuring yourself without permission—there are other ways to address that behavior that don’t involve total silence. Reflection assignments, apology letters, or tasks that rebuild connection can all reinforce authority without damaging trust.
When to speak up
This is the hard part for many submissives: advocating for yourself. Submission does not mean silence. You have the right to express when something hurts or confuses you. In fact, open communication is part of responsible submission.
You might say something like:
“When you stop communicating without warning, it makes me feel anxious and disconnected. I understand if silence is meant to be part of my training, but I need to know in advance what to expect. Can we talk about what punishments or communication breaks look like for us, so I can better support our dynamic?”
If he’s a responsible Dominant, he’ll appreciate your honesty and want to clarify things together. If he reacts defensively or continues using silence as control, it might be time to reconsider whether this relationship dynamic is truly healthy for you.
Final thoughts
No matter how much authority you give your Dominant, consent and communication must always remain active. “Because he’s my Master” isn’t a reason to tolerate neglect. Power exchange doesn’t mean forfeiting your emotional well-being.
A good D/s relationship—especially one that’s long-distance—depends on mutual respect, clear expectations, and a steady connection. You deserve consistency and clarity, not confusion and pain.If your partner values you as a submissive, they’ll want to build something that feels both structured and safe. Silence might feel powerful for them, but in a healthy dynamic, power should build connection—not break it.